My life is back in the balance once again (Part 4)
Groupwork is undoubtedly one of the most controversial aspects of academic life. Worse, when your grades depend on it. While I felt really uncomfortable in the group I mentioned in (Part 3), I must say that my lab group, in contrast, was a joy to work with. This was one of the reasons that contributed to a good semester this time.

Let's call the group I mentioned in the last entry "Group A" and let this lab group be "Lab Group".

The "horror" stories that I heard from my other friends about their totally un-cooperative or totally cannot-be-bothered lab mates made me appreciate my lab mates even more.

Initially, I was a little worried that my lack of academic ability and technical knowledge would hamper me in the same way as what happened in "Group A". The two girls in my lab group were very prepared most of the time. Therefore, I tried to keep myself on my toes in order not to hold back my "Lab Group".

They set high standards and it wasn't long before they earned a reputation in the class for being "demanding", even though I doubt they know about the rumours. I'm partly to blame for this, revealing hints to reinforce the reputation. There were quite a few people who are put off by their "competitiveness", and in fact, even I was a little uncomfortable with that initially.

However, after I got to know them better, the discomfort was gone. While it was true that they kept to themselves and their clique outside the class, I began to understand that they were not people who were unwilling to share things. They may not take the initiative to offer help, but if you ask them for it, they will help.

Unlike me, I'm just like that, I cannot stop offering help to other people despite knowing that I may suffer for it in the end. I tried to be a "bad boy" in class, knowing that the "bad boys" get the girls, and the nerds like me should visit the library or return to my computer games. But I just couldn't stop. There's a part of me that is crying out to "save the world". Whenever I see a stack of assignments undistributed, I couldn't stop myself from taking it and hunting down my classmates. Even though friends have advised me against doing so much, I have come to accept it as an addiction, maybe. But even then, I'm a weird one. When appreciating classmates come up to me and say things like "you are very noble, you are very nice", I feel uncomfortable about accepting these praises and would start acting weird and saying nonsense.

Anyway, that was side-tracking. I have come to understand why they kept to themselves. There was little they had in common with the rest of the classmates.

They set high standards on the work though, which I felt was very professional. They could separate work from personal relationships very well and would have no qualms about pointing out my inadequacies and mistakes whenever I committed them. At first I felt that they were demanding and a little too critical. But I have come to realise that they have every right to be so, since they put in more time and effort than I was willing to give. And as a result, they pushed me hard and I improved. I never understood why my reports in my first year never gotten more than a "B", now I understand. If I had trouble completing my assigned portion of the report, they would help me with it and guide me along. I felt that I reaped considerable benefits by working with them, unlike in Group A, where the only thing I felt I was getting were "dirty looks".

My lab group was a largely misunderstood bunch. I was wrong in my initial evaluation of them.

It is also perhaps a good time to bring up another issue. You see, both the girls in my lab group are good-lookers. Especially one of them, with her long hair and height, she has won the envy of fellow females and the attention of the guys. All except me. I admit to "deducting" points for good looks. Whether it is my own way of resisting the unfair advantages that society bestows upon good-lookers, or for any other reason, I expect good-lookers to justify themselves with good character and so on. At every available opportunity, I would try to find fault with her. But she has proven me wrong time and again, and her character is faultless by my standards. I am impressed and at the same time, ashamed that I was too critical and harsh. In fact, I have even began to like certain aspects of her lifestyle.

It does not end here though. I realized that during my weekly lab sessions, two male classmates from other groups have consistently come over from wherever they are simply to tease her or shower her with sweet-talk. It just felt wrong. Perhaps I am jealous of her. In a dramatic contrast, every week during lab, I heard my initials being shouted by a gruff female voice from across the lab. I shudder as I look over my shoulder to see... muscular arms. The shouting of my initials (she doesn't even call me by name) has become quite the joke around the corner of the lab. Actually I do not mind and I shrug it off with good-natured laughter.

The contrast is just so big. My lab mates are getting sweet attention and I am getting this... It's funny. In a more serious example, I realised that these two male classmates who keep coming over, they never bother to talk to the not-so-good-looking girls in the class. I look at these girls going about their work alone, and I listen to the guys teasing my own lab mates behind me and I thought to myself: Wouldn't it be great if everyone was born equally good-looking? Nobody will be left out. Nobody will get unfair advantage.

Sometimes I wish I was a hot babe. I could make guy fall over themselves just to get into my good books. I could have anything I want, despite the fact that most guys treat me nicely in front of me and make sexually suggestive and often derogatory remarks about me behind my back.

Sometimes I also wish human beings could be like the praying mantises or black widow spiders. The female mantis decapitates the male during copulation, while the female black widow eats the male after copulation. This would bring a new meaning to courtship. I wonder what would happen if human beings were like that. Would the males avoid the females like the plague? Can the males resist desire and seduction, in exchange for their lives? It would be hilarious.

I don't know how it feels like to be headless or even how tasty my flesh is, but if that were to happen, I would... run for my dear life...
- posted by FaceOff^ @ 7:54 PM