HEAPS
When I read clover's blog and she mentioned that she had only 3 weeks left for Industrial Attachment, it suddenly dawned upon me that my special sem exams are also only 3 weeks away!

I am so occupied this vacation
May 31: FYP Interim report due (for me only)
June 5: Driving test
June 9: World Cup starts
June 10: Special Sem presentation (a mock court trial of some sort)
June 16: Special Sem Exams!
June 19: The next Special Sem Starts
June 30: FYP Final Report due (and FYP ends of course)
July 9: Special Sem Mid-terms, also World Cup finals
July 28: Special Sem Exams!

Feels just like regular school term-time doesn't it? Sometimes I wonder if I am pushing myself too hard. Of course there are other people who are more busy than me, having a social life, CCA or other stuff, while I am piling it up on the 'serious' stuff during the holidays. All by my own choice. Whether I will be able to reap the fruits of my labour remains to be seen. 先苦真的会带来后甜吗?

Anyway, it's been just like two days and I've been getting heaps of praise from my friends regarding my good results. Somehow I feel that they are happier about my results than I myself am.

There are a few who genuinely ask me how I managed to do it, and I genuinely want to teach them. However, I really don't know how to. It's a combination of many factors, some of which are uncontrollable by mankind (i.e. luck).

Of course I am glad, but it seems that my happiness level cannot hit maximum. For the past two days, it's like I am not as happy about it as I ought to be. And the fact the people around me are more upbeat about it makes it even more weird.

It's an unusual feeling.
- posted by FaceOff^ @ 9:08 AM 0 comments

 
MIRACLE AGAIN
Got my results yesterday. I was still as nervous, sms-ing the server during my lecture. Especially since knowing the results would give me a better idea of my decisions in the very near future.

Was very happy with my results, a semestral CAP of 4.26, bringing my overall CAP to 3.31, edging ever closer to my desired end-point. Overall, it was above my expectations.

Realistically, I have a good chance of achieving my desired end-point if I follow the normal route of 4 years (instead of my much-talked about graduation in 3.5 years).

The question is "do I need to get my second lower?" Well, getting that is sure going to have a "healing" effect on me since I disliked my first two years in university. Getting a better honours degree is sure going to open a few more doors for me, but do I need these doors to be open?

Maybe. Maybe not. CY has advised me to look for a job at the end of 3.5 yrs and if I can get one, I should just leave. I couldn't agree more. I would have come to the same conclusion had I not open my mind to staying.

The reality is that results are a poor indicator of how your life is going to turn out after graduation.

Haha recently I heard a rumour about a first-class honours bound girl in our cohort who aspires to be a.... tai-tai. Ok maybe most of you want to be that too. Still remembered how we used to mug at the pavilon, and you all got so stressed that you started to dream about becoming tai-tais next time.

My blog damn crap right? Go on and on about this nonsense. I suddenly feel that I am very nonsense, keep talking about results when it has no spiritual value. Academic excellence and career prospects and whatever nonsense are so down in my true priorities.

Having said all that, it's likely that I will stay. My special semester grades would give me an even better picture before the next decision point (filing for graduation in August).

Results aside, I am also generally happy with my life the way things are. Though the semester which just passed (sem 6) is not as enjoyable as the previous semester (sem 5), things are still looking good.
- posted by FaceOff^ @ 4:08 PM 0 comments

 
HEAVEN & EARTH
I was reading Elinear's blog the other day and she mentioned more and more examples of people being nice to her. Hmph! (*I'm so jealous*) I kept shaking my head and mumbling "真的是天地之别" to myself. How can things be so different as Heaven and Earth?

Then I came to a part where she quoted my blog about "favours being volunteered to her" and people "almost willing to brave fire for her sake". Very good. Now her friends will realize that not everybody enjoys the same privileges that Elinear gets.

I agree with her point that there are people doing nice things for me, but the number is pretty small. For Elinear, EVERYBODY else is nice to her.

This reminds me that while I was doing Design project, three of my guy friends (from another group) actually had a female classmate (who are on Industrial Attachment) each to proof-read their reports for them. I was so shocked lor. And so envious.

Nono, they were not involved in 'that' sort of way. And I don't really know what I'm envious about. The closeness of their friendship? I'm at a loss because I cannot name anyone who would be willing to proof-read my report, though I know I would probably get help from my friends if I asked.

But the problem is these guy friends didn't really 'ask', I realized later that it was a regular affair.

I told one of them what I felt about this proof-reading thing and he offered to proof-read my report for me. I declined and my natural, immediate reply was "Usually I proof-read for other people, not the other way round".

Which made me realize that there are at least two classmates who occassionally ask me to proof-read their stuff (even for modules I'm not taking) for them. And I'm the 'alarm-clock' for at least three classmates when they need me to give them morning-calls in case they are late for exams or other important appointments.

No wonder I felt envious; I have always been 'giving', rather than 'receiving', so the concept of receiving goodwill is still a little foreign to me.

Anyway, back to Elinear. I know I've been mentioning Elinear too often in my blog, but there are so many interesting things about her that is worth sharing.

I realize that Elinear has some extreme differences from me. For instance, her problem is that she has too many admirers while I, on the other hand, have none. I hate Mac while Mac is her staple food. I attend classes all the time; she is never here (lol). I resist meeting new people, she meets new people all the time and seems to be enjoying it. Help is volunteered to her all the time, while people whom I have consistently helped can actually refuse to help me when I most need it (and worse, laugh at my helplessness).

Well, what can I say? In all sense of the phrase, 真的是天地之别...
- posted by FaceOff^ @ 12:45 PM 2 comments

 
LAST HOLIDAYS... I...
I am having trouble linking up the happenings from the previous vacation period (Nov-Dec 2005) to the semester which just passed (Jan-Apr 2006).

Let me review what I actually did:-

I watched drama on cable tv including "24", The District, JAG, Strong Medicine, Judging Amy, The 4400, House, Numb3rs. The first three being my must-watch favourites and I can get quite irritated if my sisters forget to record them for me. Nevertheless, I still missed some episodes and have yet to hunt down the previous seasons.

Another thing I must say is that when the school term starts, I actually stop watching/recording at all. I consider this a significant sacrifice for school's sake. Shall get these DVDs when I start working and have the money. Anyone has downloaded episodes of these, pls let me know ya?

I watched anime including Saiyuki Reload, Tactics, Maburaho and to a lesser extent (*gasp*) Doraemon. What I like in an anime is its ability to bring out the characters, revealing their insecurities and subtly describing their feelings for one another. It's amazing how animators are able to draw parallels to real life through mere "cartoons". Even Gundam, which seems like all action and violence to the non-fan, hides lessons of a war-hungry human race.

I watched movies on Hallmark channel of which the most notable was "A Christmas Carol (The Musical)" which moved me to tears and I had to cover my face from my sisters and pretend nothing happened.

Heck, I didn't realise I watched so much tv since getting cable tv for Euro'04.

I completed only one game Xenosaga II on my PS2. Good games can be my 精神支拄. To be able to advance in a storyline absorbs me and calms me down, which explains why certain RPG (Role-playing games) are my favourites. Somehow if I go out for three or four consecutive days, I will feel the need to get back to my games.

Again, as with tv, I give them up during the school term.

Some of the time is set aside for helping friends troubleshoot, upgrade, assemble their personal computers, so much so that it has become a holiday routine.

Went out several times with elinear, sky, clove, wen and gang; and also with zhi-jie, mt, yl and the guys. Really enjoy and appreciate being with these two groups of friends. Of course, not forgetting S38 for the annual christmas gathering. Was apprehensive about an army friends outing, but it turned out ok. And the rare but important (to me) CO gathering which consisted of the usual kq, yx, xy, pz, joy, jx. Lastly, a primary school outing which was also rather fun, save for the fact that I was "reprimanded" for not sending a girl to her doorstep.

On an individual basis, have been going out with kq; and cy several times too. While I'm talking about this, I might as well say something which I took seriously only this year. I feel that friends like you make me complacent. You know I'm the type of person who doesn't show concern for his friends. For reasons not told here, I'm the type who sits at home and wait for people to ask me out. I don't show concern for friends, and should be punished with loneliness, yet friends come looking for me frequently. That makes me complacent.

Sometimes I feel that I dun deserve it since I dun show concern for friends. Maybe u guys should start ignoring me. Having said that, this complacency is causing me to open up less easily.

Towards the end of the holidays, spent days trying to tidy up my room in the hope that my headache/fatigue problem will go away if I see less clutter around. Was also quite proud that I painted some doors on my mum's request.

Have suffered the headache/fatigue problem through the holidays thinking that the semester has stressed me out, but it doesn't seem to go away, even after close to six weeks of no-stress holidays. As 2006 moved closer, I finally told my parents about this problem and there was a last ditch attempt to cure this once and for all.

Till today, I still do not know what the real problem is, but apparently nothing is wrong. Somehow my pain threshold is raised as I'm so used to it liao. However, I was a little upset that it was stopping me from getting the amount of exercise that I want.

Though I didn't mention at that time, I started to harbour lofty thoughts about improving my grades till it climbed into the second lower range. I opened up to the idea of staying on for the full 4 years of university to achieve that. Moreover, I think I would miss my friends. I have not made a firm decision yet and I shall see where things take me.

The break was great though. I was happy. And throughout the entire holidays, I see that the end of my studying life is near. I was actually looking forward to starting the new semester, knowing that it would be over soon and I would enjoy myself getting there.
- posted by FaceOff^ @ 5:12 PM 2 comments