MIXED
The impending CNY holidays are giving me mixed feelings. As my grandmother passed away several months back, my family will not be celebrating CNY this time around. In fact, the CNY seems to be a reminder to me that a loved one is no longer around for a proper family gathering.

Should it be a period of mourning, the same way a minute of silence is observed whenever a tragedy occurs? The skipping of this year's celebrations is well within my contemplation for the past few months. I tried telling myself that it was not so bad as I can afford to be lazy this time round and not busy myself with the CNY preparations. But as the time drew nearer, I couldn't stop myself from feeling disappointed.

It is a season to be happy. Yet the desire to be happy makes me feel a little guilty, as if I am unfillial towards my late grandmother. Unfortunately, she has departed and is unable to share in my found-again optimism.

Speaking of which, I am reminded of something which happened to me last CNY. My cousin asked me whether I received CNY sms-es from my friends. He was just trying to state a simple point that the telcos are earning a lot of money from the festive season. But before he could say anything, I gave a lecture about how I do not appreciate mass sms-es and etc. I was so rude last time. I was so anal.

I still remember how I "lectured" my JC class several months back on fireworks. And subsequently a month later, I "lectured" Elinear and my dear friends on Harry Potter. Looking back, I just can't believe that I actually said those things. Why was I so at odds with the world? What for?

Though I cannot guarantee that those lectures will not come back, I realised that I have changed (for the better, I hope). I have become happier. Now, whenever I have the urge to give "lectures", I just tell myself "I'll be nice" and the urge will just go away.

I shall not spoil your festive mood by talking too much sad stuff. Well, there's some good news. My mum's leg wound has healed completely. Maybe I will find a solution to my headache problem in the Lunar New Year.

And as my relatives are not visiting this year, I will not have to explain to my cousin and his wife why I was recently seen shopping with four female friends at John Little. I hope they will forget about it next next year. =P
- posted by FaceOff^ @ 5:21 PM