THE DAZE CONTINUES
It really isn't supposed to be like this. I've never felt so ill-prepared during the start of a sem before. Maybe I haven't been sleeping early during the last week, and keep chatting to friends on msn, and outlasting them, sleeping only at 5am once. As a result, I feel dazed during the day.

I seem to heck care about my tutorial registration, it took elinear to mention to me before I went to look it up in detail. Usually I would already have planned it out before she says anything. And though everyone gasped at my workload of 6 modules this semester, I was toying with the idea of taking a 7th. I must be insane.

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I'm too complacent liao, until the extent that I kept harping on skygazer's bridge addiction over and over again. I could perhaps be excused if I was too carried away trying to suan her. But that was not the case. I was consciously doing it on purpose, just to tell myself to speak more, though she was at the receiving end.

I used to think that my worst worst flaw is speaking tactlessly. Then I felt that the problem went away by itself during my uni years. Last time I would just keep quiet because it is just too tiring to keep filtering your thoughts in your brain before you say it. Yet when as my general confidence grows, I tend to overstep the barrier into cockiness/complacency, and start speaking tactlessly again. Sigh, I knew that I could never find the right balance.

This used to happen during the start of JC too. I was transiting from my happiest years of upper secondary into JC, and that was when I was most confident (or complacent, cocky) and I ended up cursing myself for saying the wrong thing during class outings. A lot of times I go home from class outings, I would keep regretting the things I said during the outing.

Is the quiet me more likable?
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Anyway back to the unpreparedness about school. My desk is in a mess. My notes from the previous sem are not kept properly. And I used to be able to commit to memory every little admin detail about all my modules. I still approach the semester with enthusiasm. By right, I should already have written down all my visions for the process modelling group project. Now I dun even care when the next set of lecture notes come out.

I have so many little things that I want to do now but I just do not find the energy to do them. And I refuse to finish writing my resume until I am in the mood for it.

Maybe my ill health is getting the better of me. Still very prone to headaches nowadays. And feeling a little jittery about the impending driving re-test is not helping things.

I wish for more energy to take myself further.
- posted by FaceOff^ @ 11:53 PM