The World and the Self
Today my thoughts suddenly flow in a blog-like style, I shall not waste the inspiration and attempt to write something. This has something to do with what transpired over the past months (no, not scandalous stuff) and triggered by watching the army show "The Unit".

I've always felt that people with an average to high level of self-esteem tend to revolve their world around themselves. Maybe the other way round is more accurate: People who tend to revolve their world around themselves are those with average to high level of self-esteem.

Looking at the fact that I stem from a lower-than-average self-esteem background, I tend to have a more outward-looking perspective. I define myself more on how others view me, and less on how I view myself. I live, breathe, and feed on the support, acknowledgment and approval of others around me. Whether it is friends, colleagues, project mates or the auntie that sells western food, how they view me matters a damn lot.

Wheras some people, I realise, seem to be see the world in their own light. They can have expectations of their boyfriend's height, their boyfriend's lack of toned, dark skin, the lecturer's inability to make them understand the syllabus, the library's inflexibility on the loan period of a much-wanted reference book, etc. I feel they they are always dissatisfied with the world around them and keep expecting things to be tailored made for them.

When it comes to themselves, though they are aware of their own flaws and strengths, they are less likely to want to improve their flaws to suit the world. It's something like wanting the world to fit them, rather than changing themselves to fit inside the world.

I, on the other hand, am extremely harsh on my own flaws, and take it out on myself whenever bad things or mistakes happen. I think too much and small things such as a slight frown on an acquaintance's face or disbelief on a lecturer's face or any other hint of disapproval are often met with much personal discomfort on my part.

Not really complaining about anyone, but it just makes me wonder about the word "DISSATISFACTION". Ppl with high self-centredness are often dissatisfied with the world around them, while people like me, are dissatisfied with myself most of the time.

And does self-esteem has anything to do with self-centredness (not really selfishness, but rather seeing the world as revolving around them)? If so, is the amount of satisfaction a consequence of you world-view and self-view? No, this is not a *$&&@ Social Work or HR lesson on "Self". I scored badly for both by the way. Bleauh.

One more thing, pls dun be harsh on your boyfriend if he doesn't happen to have the genes that encode for height, or melanin in his skin that turns dark upon exposure to the sun.
- posted by FaceOff^ @ 1:33 PM